On Repentance

Playground Memories

Can you remember the early days of hanging out on the playground?
Come on, I know that you can remember at least some of those early days.

Well anyway,
I can remember those early days on the playground at my grade school. Sometimes you could extend your time on the playground by playing there in the morning. And at other times I would hang around after school, if I was waiting for my mom that is…

Do you remember that feeling of freedom? Oh what I wouldn't give at times to be able to just play without anyone telling me that I should do this or that. Risking life and limb to be the first to swing the highest, or maybe hang the longest on the bars. That feeling of just knowing that everything was just as it should be.

I can remember the way other kids would walk around the playground picking out which equipment they were going to call theirs for the day. It had became a daily ritual.
There were those that always got the best equipment, and there were those that didn’t.

If you were unlucky enough to be one of the few that didn't fit in with the status quo, then you were destined for the kindergarten equipment or worse yet just sitting there doing nothing. You ended up reconciled to the fringes of the playground.
If you decided to stage a coup, sure others would band together with you ready to fight tyranny at its most basic level. Of course there was a problem with that. As soon as the opposition heard of any plans, the threats of dismemberment and death caused your supporters to drop like flies.

All of this being said, I didn't really understood what it felt like to be one of those that was left out on the fringes, on the Kindergarten side.
I can remember the day that I became, for the first time, one of the unlucky few.

There was my best friend," Well call him Kevin to preserve his privacy". Kevin and I would run out at recess and pick the equipment that for that hour would become our property for the day.
Beware anyone that dare try to use this equipment without our permission. You could and probably would be subjecting yourself to bodily injury. That’s not even mentioning the emotional stress one had to endure. Usually by the end, it meant at least a day or two of being trash talked about and shunned from those you respected or hated.

Today something had changed, something was different when I ran out onto the playground. I remember it was half way through my 3rd grade year. As I ran out Kevin and another boy were on the monkey bars. I was so dense that I just ran out to the bars and started to climb on.
All of the sudden Kevin spoke those horrible words,” What do you think your doing?”. As I jumped to the ground, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I was just called out by my best bud. The guy that was supposed to have my back. Of course the second thought through my mind was that I would speak my mind. I was not one who would cower down to such abuse. I would show him who he was dealing with trying to cross me, his best friend.

The only problem with that was that Kevin was twice my size and all he had to do was just fall on me and there wouldn’t be any way that I could get up. Let alone trying to outbox or out wrestle him. He had some pretty large arms that could intimidate the biggest of the bullies on our watch. And if you lost, it meant years or even a lifetime worth of ribbing. Not to mention the abuse from lower level bullies using you for their new conquests.

I had seen others who made that mistake in the past and it wasn’t a pretty site. Walking to the store and having to cross the street to keep away from those that would hurt you. Or picking a seat and having it stolen from you after threats of pain.

I can remember that feeling of rejection and hurt as I walked away from them in silence. It went to the depths of my soul. And just as I was reconciling myself to the facts of what had just happened, I heard the laughter. And you guessed it , I knew that voice. It was one that in the past, even that very morning, had comforted me. As Kevin spoke I heard the words,”Look at the little sissy walking to the little kids playground”.

I can remember how devastating it was to be rejected by my best friend. After all he lived just down the street and we had played together for years. As I sat there on the fringes I realized the harsh reality that hadn’t sunk in my mind before.
I wasn’t in the chosen few, the special crowd anymore. I think as I sat there, that’s when I realized that I couldn’t trust those who professed to be my friends.
I learned that day how it felt to be one of the unlucky ones. Later I learned that there had been a lie told about me that was soon proven wrong.

Again the next week I became one of the chosen few.
But this time something had changed inside of me. I had realized how wrong it was to be one of the chosen few. I had tasted of the punishment that others were living with daily.

The relationship with Kevin and I wasn’t the same after that. I felt like I couldn’t trust him anymore and I wouldn’t be a part of hurting others on the playground. Sure I talked with him at times, after all I grew up down the street from him.

As I went through Jr high and high school it was tough. I would at times suffer ridicule for helping those on the fringes. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was that day on the playground that my life changed. As I went through high school I would hang out with those on the fringe. I wasn’t an angel, but those around me knew that I would be there if they needed me.

Those who were the chosen ones seemed to become more and more distant to me.
Childhood relationships faded and life continued on.

As I went through life, I seemed to always revolve towards those who were needy or different by other peoples standards. At the time I didn’t understand why it was that way. But now I know it was that day on the playground that changed my life forever.

It is never to late to learn from the life lessons that God has been teaching us.

In Psalms 32:5 David says:
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord"- and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

David spoke these words after his sin with Bathsheba.

It only takes two words from our lips, “I’m Sorry”, to cross over into the unlucky few.

The unlucky few...
Those that God truly speaks about in his word.
The few that can mend a heart, the few that can comfort a soul, the few that can give up all for others.

Of course I forgave those that hurt me from the past, realizing that God had them on a different path than mine.

It took me almost 30 years to realize that God works in mysterious ways, ways that I cannot at times understand.

It is those ways that will take you to places that you don’t want to go.

It is also those ways that will make you the man that God has called you to be.